Find your 'A Team': The power of your circle of significant others…
“Find a group of people who challenge you and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life”
- Amy Poehler
Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. This relates to the law of averages, which is the theory that the result of any given situation will be the average of all outcomes. This is a simple equation that is easier to state than create. To produce a circle of significant others that is both effective and supportive involves intention, awareness and action. You must first know what you wish to achieve or what the vision for your life is and then intentionally act to select those that can best support you on that journey.
When it comes to relationships, we are greatly influenced, whether we are aware or not by those closest to us. It affects our way of thinking, our self-esteem, and our decisions. Of course, everyone is their own person, but research has shown that we’re more affected by our environment than we think. There is new thinking emerging around social clustering and how powerful social contagion can be when it comes to shaping values, beliefs, and outcomes. Quite simply we become what is around us, it is a survival strategy that is intrinsically within us, reinforced by regular, consistent, interactions. This has been a part of humanity throughout evolution. When life was less certain, social cohesiveness and shared beliefs was an essential element of survival and prosperity.
Today, survival can be more certain, but the powerful influence of our social group remains; we quite simply become a product of our environment. The great news is we have control over constructing this part of our future success, we can select those that support us to create the type of life we wish to lead and what life outcomes we wish to achieve. It requires action, intention, and awareness to know who can support us, what role will they play, how will they serve our vision and how we can serve theirs. If you select well and nurture these relationships it can literally change your life.
Let's look at this philosophy and how you can construct it to serve your vision. It’s easy to fill your life with cheerleaders – those that say ‘you’re doing great’ no matter what. Those that make us feel comfortable, those that ‘always have our backs’. These significant others may be family, long-time friends, a mothers group, team mates or the neighbours, they are fun, supportive and we generally love their company. We need our cheerleaders; we have history with these people, and they serve an important role in our world. However, to truly elevate and achieve your vision a conscious selection of others can be the power booster you need to get to where you wish to go.
Reading through the life history of many successful entrepreneurs, social philanthropists and people of inspiration, there is usually a consistent theme. To get to where they wanted to go, they literally sought out others that were doing similar things really well. This is not necessarily mentorship this can be as simple as listening, being with them, observing their pain, success and celebration, immersed in some of the journey. You need to add to your cheerleaders, find new people, those that value where you wish to head, those that are successful in the place you wish to be, those that have failed at a journey you wish to take. Select those that ask the questions that at times make you feel uncomfortable or perhaps challenge you with insight. High performing people simply choose to spend more time with the right type of people. Those that ‘get’ your journey not just placate it. Brendan Burchard writes
“They are more strategic and consistent in seeking to work with others at or above their level of competence, experience or overall success”
This doesn’t mean you have to cancel friendship contracts, ditch long term friends, or change teams. As evolved adults we need to live with those that carry differing views or aren’t actively supporting our vision is all about being resilient. How we manage the agitators in our life is a sign of how tightly we are aligned to our vision. These agitators can be a secret weapon on our life journey. These relationships are not usually friends they are strategic relationships that are built on mutual contributions, authentic beliefs, and shared aims – they are powerful unions. They have a feeling and effect that is different yet not necessarily exclusive of friendship. They are not always comfortable, but always comforting, not always fun but always inspiring, not always equal but always respectful. You will know these associations if you have them in your life already – they will have produced powerful outcomes already. The secret is to keep adding and evolving as you build. If you haven’t started building your ‘A Team’ you need to start now! It’s something we know through research that makes a huge impact to your life outcomes.
Here are some tips to build your ‘A Team’
Critically analyse yourself, of your current actions, of your vision, of whether the two are lining up and make changes in your life when necessary.
Ask yourself the following questions. Do the people around you:
Represent things you value?
‘Get’ your journey?
Ask the type of questions you don’t hear often that pave the way for great outcomes.
Be honest with yourself when you answer. There are really only two possible outcomes, either:
You feel aligned
You don’t feel aligned
Act
If you’re aligned, you're in great shape. Keep nurturing you’re ‘A Team” and continue to take intentional action towards your vision.
If your people aren't representative of things you love, the vision you wish to achieve and the person you aspire to become, re-evaluate and take the necessary steps to align with others who might.
Re-evaluating means being honest with yourself. When you're surrounded by the right group of people and in a good place within yourself, you have much to give back to them in return. It can be useful to write a list with the following:
Who is in your life now and what role are they playing?
Whose influence do you need to increase or decrease?
What is missing?
What types of people do you need to support your vision?
Are they missing?
If so, where would you find them?
Write an action plan. Once you have formed your group of significant others you must constantly re-evaluate the role this group has in your life, you are in control here. How you strategically manage these relationships will lead to great outcomes.
Be deliberate with your plan to seek out these significant others and know what role will they play in your journey, use your curiosity, you need to earn someone’s interest and support, what can you offer back? Share with them the role they play in your life, express gratitude as a part of the conversation, attribute parts of your success to them, open your heart, be vulnerable let them know the impact they are having on you. Remember sometimes those that need you can be great teachers too, teaching to learn is a powerful strategy for many. Chances are, you will change their life in the process – remember success (however you define that) is a social contagion of the greatest kind.