Remove the blockers in your midlife transition. How to get out of your own way.
The midlife years are challenging for a variety of reasons. The weight of responsibility, finding yourself on an unfulfilling path, performing to others’ expectations, not living to your potential and lastly the realisation that you are closer to the end than the beginning yet still not living life on your terms. Feel familiar? (Download our FREE Midlife Pulse Check here)
Fortunately, all these challenges can be overcome but in almost all cases the largest and most consistent hurdle that continues to block our progress and prevent us from reaching the goals and visions that we set for ourselves is YOU!
With every goal or step forward in life, there are always events, people, circumstances that thwart our well laid out plans. These might be external (things out of our control) or internal (things within our control), experience suggests that mostly it’s the internal things that have the biggest hold over us, yet they are the things we have the most control of. We call these things blockers because of the barrier they create between us and our goals/visions /aspirations.
We all harbour an inner belief system. Deeply held assumptions about us, the world, and others. Mostly, this belief system becomes hardwired within us from our past stories and experiences Eg. Patterns learnt in childhood, past relationships, fear of failure or a need for control.
Our beliefs have a very high impact on our behaviour. Any belief that drives negative thoughts and consequently negative behaviour we term a limiting belief. A limiting belief results in a block on our forward progress.
Ok so if we just change our beliefs everything gets better, right? If only it were that easy. It's especially hard during our midlife years to have the awareness and insight to spot these blockers and this might be influenced by which stage of midlife you are in. (Download our FREE Midlife Pulse Check here). Also we have a vice like grip on our limiting beliefs because they make us feel special, self-righteous, comfortable or re- affirm that we deserve special attention.
Limiting beliefs represent our ego, they are designed to mask vulnerability and are driven by fear. That’s why we can get stuck on the treadmill of life going through the same old patterns of planning but then succumbing to blockers.
We encourage you to embrace these blockers in life as an opportunity to grow and to confront them head on. Here’s some tips to overcoming blockers and creating forward momentum and growth.
1. Call it out
What actions are consistent in your life that cause harm in your relationships, work, sport, family, career, health etc. Eg. You self-generate stress. You start more projects than you have time to finish. You consistently work on low priority tasks, but yet leave high priority tasks undone and you overwork.
When you look at what’s generating these actions try to identify what are your limiting beliefs. A clue for identifying a belief is looking out for statements that start with the following: “I am ...,” “People are ...,” and “The world is ...”. When these kinds of statements finish with something that sounds like an excuse or a barrier being put up it’s often a limiting belief.
2. Own it
No one is perfect, even the best personal developers do things or believe things that are harmful to their growth
Embrace the challenge and see the good in knowing what’s harmful to your life and the changes you will make as a result.
3. Rationalise it and let go of it
What is the source of your negative thoughts? Coaching here is powerful as it is often difficult to step away and self assess
Perhaps what created this belief initially is no longer something you need in your life – is it time to let go of this belief
An example of a blocker might be. You believe that the only way to get ahead financially is to work ridiculous hours and that others understand this plight and are content with your absence from family life and other commitments
You since understand this was something drummed into you by your parents – a story you were consistently told and experienced
You now realise your journey is different, this belief serves no one including your family and times have changed. It’s time to let go of this belief
4. Reframe and rewire
How could I reframe this belief so as to reflect a growth-based belief?
Work is important but yet working smarter not harder serving my purpose is better for sustainable long-term results in my energy levels, life balance and health.
5. Adopt a growth mindset
Changing beliefs is tough, really tough! It’s deep within us. Don’t expect the changes to appear immediately. You will need to catch yourself falling into the traps and use your reframes. Perhaps even verbalising your new story and beliefs out loud to yourself.
Be patient, and consistent and keep at it. The key; is continuous, consistent action towards change
So, here’s the message: To get what you want, you need to get out of your own way, open yourself up and accept that you need to let go and reshape the parts that are blocking you.
Coaching to get clarity and understanding of your blockers is empowering. Having someone to hold you accountable to change, raise awareness and guide you through your blockers is the difference between the vital next step and drifting back onto the treadmill of life.
Reach out to us at hello@purposeandflow.com.au to find out more about what’s blocking you or download our FREE Midlife Pulse Check here to find out which stage of midlife you're in.
Yours on purpose,
Ben & Josh (The Purpose & Flow team)