The Quarter Life Crisis: When the world is at your feet and you’re struggling to stand
How having it all can feel like you have nothing…
Maybe you’re struggling with comparison syndrome, maybe you don’t know which paid work to pursue, or perhaps you continue to find yourself in a series of dysfunctional relationships? As you continue grapple with these challenges you are left wondering: why does everyone else’s life look so perfect? My life also needs to be purposeful; my paid work needs to feel good, be a part of my life not the only part. I need to be fulfilled, I need to have balance, I must be resilience and grateful as we’re a lot better off than someone in a faraway land that doesn’t haven’t enough food or shelter. We are told it is not going to get easier.
It doesn’t get easier - it’s just different. Although the midlife crisis is more recognized, it’s not more common. The rising generation are just as likely to experience a life crisis as mid lifers. While the root causes are similar, the major difference lies in how others perceive those struggling through the crisis. A midlife crisis is more widely accepted, while a quarter-life crisis is often brushed off or belittled. What on earth would you have to worry about at 25?
Even though these years can be exciting and feel free, your twenties represent a period of rapid and intense change. During this formative period, you may feel immense pressure to succeed, the quest for the perfect life feels overwhelming, what is perfect anyway? – how do we know what perfect is with such little life experience? It might seem like you need to accomplish everything at once. The competition to thrive may feel overwhelming. While figuring out your life, you’re also watching your friends work through their lives. And with so many people documenting every detail of their life on social media, it’s easy to fall into a vicious comparison mode. ‘Social Comparison Theory’ is a thing, and it creates the comparison to despair effect. This is a cycle that is very hard to break if you are not clear on your life vision and working towards it with active intention.
The typical person who struggles with a quarter-life crisis is often highly driven and a high achiever. This personality trait will always drive towards the quest for perfection, and this is where the trouble lays. It’s the unclear pursuit of perfection, fuelled by the driven nature of the ‘A Type’ personality that can lead to a feeling of crisis. What is the end state? What are you striving for? How can we make this feel balanced and fulfilling? I’m smart and achieve great things, why do I feel this way? In this period of life transition this feeling of despair or languish can lead to a prolonged state of uncertainty, emotional pain and questioning.
Regardless of what’s caused your quarter-life crisis, this experience typically includes four stages that are well documented:
Feeling trapped: Whether it’s a job, a living arrangement, or a relationship, you may feel trapped or uncertain about your choices.
Separation: Many of those in a quarter-life crisis leave their jobs, social groups or romantic partners and go through a period of separation and loneliness.
Reflection: The next stage is a time of reflection, recalibration, and soul-searching as they attempt to discover what they really want.
Understanding: Toward the end of the crisis, most people emerge with a better understanding, greater motivation, and a more positive outlook for their future.
The childhood vision for our life, influenced by listening to parents and significant others can now be perceived as unrealistic. Due to housing affordability, less job security, and lower incomes, the traditional adulthood outcomes, such as owning a home, getting married and having children, are being challenged. This has left a vacuum in the quarter-life years and a feeling of navigating the unknown and wondering if it’s possible to reach the other side. Our rising generation are hesitant to lean into their life, overwhelmed by the fear of failure. Your twenties can be undoubtedly tumultuous, and quarter-life crisis symptoms can feel both frustrating and isolating. However, you can learn to make the most of this experience - and come out feeling more fulfilled as it’s ultimately an opportunity for growth! Overachieving can be a gift, the quest for perfection can be replaced with imperfect excellence. We can set constructive boundaries that limit overcommitting to allow us to be our balanced best self.
My recent experiences have shown me no matter your age, a crisis is not the issue; it’s alignment. What’s achievable is not always what’s important. We need to shift our thinking from ‘How do I achieve more?’ to ‘How do I want to live?’ Once we move away from comparison and align to a broader life vision we see balance, sense of purpose and clarity return to our life. We feel energetic not exhausted as we realign our thoughts and behaviour so we can experience growth, well-being, and fulfilment as we strive for high performance. It’s not the outcome that is crucial more the journey to achievement. This allows us to serve better, be better and offer greater longevity to ourselves and those we love and serve.
The formula is simple and something I have written about before:
Stop
Know yourself
Build a vision - a broad life vision that is balanced not just a business/work/career vision
Build a plan - what actions will bring your vision to life?
The you must
Act - Action leads to clarity, just get going, don’t wait for the perfection.
Review, measure, be intuitive and adapt
Get the right help to support you - it’s hard to go it alone
It’s easy and common to find yourself striving towards an unclear vision stuck in a quarter-life crisis. Much of what we feel in this state has been entrenched in us from childhood. Know that the shadow of the wonderful gifts that drive you to perfection is also that which makes you vulnerable. While the process can be painful, a quarter-life crisis can be a tremendous opportunity for growth and personal revelation. It’s the opportunity to turn pain into possibility and reframe the discomfort as a reminder you need re-assess your direction. You are in control and how you use this period of discomfort can determine your future success. It can be a time for great optimism, if you use this opportunity well.
If you feel stuck or just unclear about what’s next, or where to? Please reach out here Sometimes a call is all you need to start the solution.